Lottie Loves: Finishing School Catch-up M, N, O, P and Q!

I've been incredibly rubbish about keeping up with Finishing School of late. I blame trying to do an MSc while juggling a long distance relationship and a mounting sense of "What on earth do I do when I leave uni?". Here's a whistlestop tour of my thoughts on each of the last couple of month's worth of challenges.

Yes, I still haven't done I is for Image. This is an important one so I'd quite like to tackle it at a time when I can do so properly. It's just not happened yet...!

M is for Moisturise
This is directly proportional to my stress levels.  When life's good and in a stable it happens naturally as part of a daily routine. When life isn't, it doesn't and there is absolutely no point in worrying myself about it.  The only thing that almost never slips is my hands because along with a weak knee, I've inherited very dry skin from my mother's side of the family.

N is for Nails
Again, fingernail condition is directly proportional to stress: more stressed = more bitten.  Toenails are generally in better condition, and I will find time to paint them tomorrow.  Just not tonight when it's already half eleven...

O is for H2O
My take on this challenge is to drink less tea.  I get plenty of liquid each day, but a dripfeed of caffeine via a pint-sized mug of tea every couple of hours does nothing for my stress levels.  I am noticeably calmer when I limit myself to two such mugs a day (but I also don't function in the mornings without at least one of them!).  So I'm sticking to that limit, and replacing the remainder with sugar-free fruit squash, diluted more than the bottle recommends just to take the taste off the disgusting London water that comes from my taps.


P is for Posture
Mine is better than many people I see, but it's still not great. 7 years of ballet wasn't entirely wasted, and nor were the years of horseriding that followed. I have a tendency to stick my chin out and to walk with great long strides: efficient for getting places, but not for looking elegant in the process. Tomorrow marks the start of a return to the 200 sit-ups challenge for me. It's not quite the 2 x 30 mins a week Lottie recommends, but it's a darn sight better than what I'm doing at the moment, which is absolutely nothing!

Q is for Quick Fixes
I've been taking advantage of the current trend for vintage-era head adornments. My hair is my single biggest bugbear (as you'll remember from H is for Hair) but the ability to throw on an alice band and still look fashionable is wonderful. I rarely leave the house without eyeliner, mascara and lipstick and have go-to shades which don't draw attention to the fact that that's all I've done. I always wear stud earrings and a gold chain plus a right-hand ring, so jewellery is covered by default. Similarly, I have key outfits and a couple of pairs of shoes that will improve an ensemble. I'm not yet back into the habit of laying out tomorrow's outfit tonight because as a student who doesn't always have to leave the apartment it feels kind of pointless. I have no doubt though that now I'm into Dissertation research and having to actually Go Somewhere almost every day I'll get back into this one quickly enough.

Lottie Loves: Finishing School L is for Ladylike

This challenge contains quite a lot of Stuff To Think About, so I've posted it verbatim, with my thoughts below.

I have offered up so much to think about this week that I am going to make the challenge simple. All you need to do is think and give a little thought to being ladylike.

• Think about your own behaviour. Are you ladylike all the time? Do you have a lady like image? If you don’t, what can you change to improve that?
• Think of a woman from the past or present that you admire. What do you admire about her? Is she ladylike? If so, what makes her ladylike? What is it about her behaviour and look that you like?

By reflecting on the image of others and looking at yourself you can see where improvements need to be made. None of us are perfect and we are all a work in progress but working towards being ‘ladylike’ is a move that will stand you in good stead.

Just remember, ‘Ladies’ command respect without even trying. Being respected makes an enormous difference to every woman’s life.

I have just had a tattoo done, which is not the first thing you might expect someone claiming to be ladylike to say. I'll let you ponder that for a while, as I outline what I think being ladylike is about. Then I'll post a picture, and you can decide if you think my tattoo is, in fact, ladylike.

Lottie identifies posture & confidence, being well-presented, using good language and good manners as the key features of being ladylike. I won't argue with any of them, but I will add one more: an aura of quiet strength, rather than of overt power. This is not to say that women can't or shouldn't be assertive, upfront and loud when it's appropriate, but it is more a more stereotypically male way of getting things done. Perhaps this is what Lottie meant about commanding respect without trying?

So, posture and confidence: other people see me as more confident and with better posture than I do. Generally, though, I don't slouch horrendously (although I no longer have a ballerina's posture after 20 years away from the barre!) and if anything I tend to err on the reserved rather than over-the-top side of confident.

Being well-presented: my personal sense of style requires that as well as clothes being clean, pressed and fitting right, they also have to have an understated elegance to them if I'm going to feel truly ladylike. This tends to manifest in the cut and quality of pieces I buy or make, and you will often find me bemoaning (rather than the unladylike cursing I'd like!) my "champagne tastes, on beer money" lifestyle.

Good language: definitely a work in progress, and dependent on who I'm with. My language is far from terrible but I'm conscious of odd things I could improve.

Good manners: this really should go without saying. I will always say "thank you" to the driver when I get off the bus - many people don't. It's so basic to decent human interaction I don't know where to start with contemplating this one, other than to observe that I've been learning over the last few years that saying "no" can be done politely.

Strength rather than power: I find this one hard to articulate. I know what I mean, but I'm not sure I'm good at putting it into words. It's not about avoiding being the centre of attention, but someone who is ALWAYS the centre of attention doesn't embody this to me. It's about making things happen without making unnecessary waves. Maybe that's the key: it's about drawing as much attention to yourself as is necessary to achieve your aims (which should broadly be balanced, and not totally selfish or totally altruistic).

A Lady I admire: Ok, this is hard. Role models of grace and elegance are not something I have ever sought out, especially since my ballet teacher used to refer to me as "The Baby Elephant". (She was right - there's a reason I find the relaxed style of Swing & Jazz Dance much more fun than restraint inherent in classical ballet or ballroom!). OK, I'm going to be a bit contentious and pick Samantha Cameron. She's not classically pretty, but she's always well-turned out in an understated way, and has managed to balance motherhood, being the wife of the PM and a career thus far.

So, I mentioned earlier that I've just got a tattoo. And I'm assuming many people will have gone "Ugh. Call yourself a lady?!". So, here's a picture - does it embody elegance, grace and confidence to you? Comment (either way, I'm genuinely interested) and let me know!

Lottie Loves: Finishing School K is for Kit

Lottie's challenge runs thus:

Find a space which can be yours for your beauty routine. Obviously a dressing table is ideal but it can be anywhere else. You can use a bathroom counter, a random table, a chest of drawers, a desk, anywhere where you can find a bit of space just for you. It need only be small, enough room for a basket or two. If you already have this space then tidy it up and make it work better for you. My big thing about beauty areas is that they must have everything in sight and easy to just grab. No digging around in bags, draws, boxes. If you can see everything you can grab it and go.

A-ha! I thought smugly. I have one of those already. I did tidy it up before taking this photo - apologies for the glare, it's a south-facing baywindow so when there's sun there's no way to shade it. My make-up stuff is in my room, while my toiletries are in the shared bathroom downstairs and I haven't photographed that because it would look like I'm on commission for Lush or something!


Then I read the next bit:

• Mirror: yep, got one of those. This flat has more mirrors than you can imagine. There's one fixed to the wall behind my dressing table (alright, chest of drawers...) and one to the other wall of the bay behind me. While I can't see my whole face in natural light at the same time, I can at least have one side lit and try to match them up!
• Make-up brushes: I have one I love, and a few that are adequate but no more. The one I love is great precise application of eyeshadow as a liner, but not so good for covering large areas. It was free with Cosmopolitan magazine years ago. I so rarely use any of the others, though, I've never really had the impulse to buy better ones. Although I might wear blusher more (and I really should if I've put foundation on as I'm so pasty to start with) if I had a brush for it I liked...
• Storage for hair accessories: Check. It's the bottom drawer of the mini chest of drawers you see on the right of this picture, plus the three oversized brooch/hairpin flowers lying on the front.
• Cotton wool & buds: Downstairs in the bathroom with the nail varnish and remover. I use tissues and spit to remove make-up mistakes, or cover them, depending on the nature. Very occasionally I get it wrong I go right back to the beginning and cleanse, tone, moisturise, make a cup of tea and start again.
• Make-up: In the right hand chest of drawers. The top draw has eyeshadows, the middle has bracelets (ok, not make-up!) and the bottom has lipstick and blusher. The foundation chills out on the top all the time. Eyeliners and lip-liners live in the pencil pot along with mascara, nail scissors and file.
• Wipes: I don't use them. Tone + cotton wool does the job, and they live in the bathroom.
• Potions and lotions: Deodorant is up here, body moisturiser is both up here and in the bathroom, hand creams are one pot per room, facial cleanser/toner/moisturiser is in the bathroom. I have about 4 different varieties of perfurm up there, two of which I wear regularly, one I never wear and should ditch and one that's heading that way but it was a gift and I feel bad...

As to where I got the chests of drawers and pencil pot? Rymans Stationers. They're sold as desk organisers, but they're felt lined, good quality and just perfect for this!

The left hand chest of drawers contains my costumer jewellery and my earrings are on the stand on top of it. There's a pair of gold cufflinks (pen nibs, love them!) just in front.

The red and white tape is not crime scene tape. :) It's holding the opposite window shut while I wait for my landlady to give me the number of the handyman who can finish the job of fixing it.

Lottie Loves: Finishing School J is for Juggling

Yes, yes, I know I've missed I. I've been missing I for weeks and it's been holding up my progress on the rest, because I have this weird compulsion that I should do things in order, or not at all. If the sun doesn't come tomorrow morning, we'll know it's all my fault for deliberately doing things out of sequence.

Right, with the disclaimer out of the way...J is for Juggling. I used have this down pat: I spent 5 years working 4 or 5 days a week and getting my undergrad degree around the outside of it, and still maintaining a social life. Then I moved cities in September to just pursue an MSc, and suddenly I have no time to do anything. In a sense, when I ran my life as tight ship because I had to, everything worked. Now I "only" have 8 hours of classes a week and a couple of regular socials, the yawning emptiness and lack of structure means I get very little done. As Lottie wisely says in her challenge post, the first thing to go in that is taking time for me.

So my challenge for this week is to spend half an hour a day updating my blog - I have a week's hiking in Jordan and an awesome city break in Venice I haven't written about yet! - or playing the guitar. I won't manage it every day: I'm going away for the weekend for instance (although I could take the guitar with me. Hmmm.) but I'm also not going to beat myself up if I do miss the odd day.

Structure. Regular bed times before midnight. FLYLady. Life is so much easier when it runs smoothly instead of me looking for the next plate that's about to stop spinning!

Lottie Loves: Finishing School H is for Hair

I have to admit, this was another one I read and my heart sank. I have an ambivalent relationship with my hair. While I would love to have long, wavy hair that looks awesome when slightly tousled and slept in/wind-swept, the reality is that I don't. I have fine hair, with next to no body and very little bounce. It is a gorgeous colour (red) although I've been hennaing it for the last 6 or 7 months to get it more auburny/chestnutty. Style-wise, though, I want something that I can wash, towel-dry and leave and it will still look fabulous. The only style I've found that works is a layered bob, with the longest layer at my chin and the shorted somewhere around my nose, plus a fringe.

I've had the same style for the last 3 years or so - before that it was very long, and I only grew it for the wedding to my (now ex)-husband at his request. So I like the style, but I've just moved cities and needed a new hairdresser.

4 times in the last week - once at home and three times in London - I've been collared by people trying to sell me a hair dressing and photoshoot day package. I'm not sure whether they think I desperately need the help or something...! Anyway, I booked one, and today I have the appointment. So far, so good. Way too much product, which means I'll have to wash it on Friday, but she seems to have done a competent job.

So that's the first bit of the challenge done. The second, do spend 5 minutes doing something other than a brief brush for a week, I'll start tomorrow. I've found a few pretty hair clips (40s style oversized flowers one each in red, green and cream) and a fake-peal hairband. I shall try to wear each at least once for the next week.

And I still need to do the Glamour morning. Urk. Wonder if Lottie will notice if I cheat and combine the two on the same day? :-)

Lottie Loves: Finishing School G is for Glamour

I read this and my heart sank. I've just moved into a backpacker hostel for 2 weeks while I'm waiting for my shiny new flat to be ready. Glamour. Right. With only half my clothes, sharing a bunk room with two guys and a girl, and one small mirror between us. I'm pretty lazy in feminine terms at the best of times, so this just fills me with horror.

However. Having less clothes available is forcing me to be inventive. So yesterday I bought some red Mary Jane shoes in patent leather with a cuban heel. Ostensibly they're to replace the apricot, flowery ballet pumps I've just worn through, but they do make me smile every time I wear them. Today I've put them with a green shirt dress, a wide red leather belt, some khaki leggings and a bolero I made myself in a red flower fabric, trimmed with red satin ribbon. It's a start.

The most inventive I get with my hair is to put clips in it to hold my fringe out of the way when I can't be bothered to wash it, or when things are truly bad, to cover it with a wide elastic alice band. I don't even blow dry it - I have a well-trained hairdresser who cuts it so that my wash-towel-go routine still makes it look fabulous.

I'm pretty good at wearing perfume, and dramatically less good at not nibbling my nails.

So my two elements of this challenge are:
1) Stop chewing my nails for a fortnight...countdown starts now, I can chew them on 7th October, if I want to;
2) On at least one morning, do something interesting with my hair for reasons other than covering the fact it needs a wash.

Lottie Loves: Finishing School F is for Fitness

I will hold myself to account for this. I will hold myself to account for this. I will hold myself to account for this.

So. 30 mins (at least) of exercise (at least walking) every day for a fortnight. Right.

Done
Day 1 - Tues 21 Sep - walked from Bloomsbury to Waterloo, and around Rotherhithe. Easily 30 mins.

Day 2 - Weds 22 Sep - walked around Rotherhithe again, from Waterloo to Bloomsbury via Aldwych, Bloomsbury to Holborn and back.

Day 3 - Thur 23 Sep - 25 mins on the cross trainer, walk from Bloomsbury to Aldwych and back. Further walking this evening to get myself to the cinema and back, possibly via a pub.

Day 4 - Fri 24 Sep - Miles of walking today, some of it in heels, some of it in more sensible shoes. Well over an hour.

Day 5 - Sat 25 Sep - Didn't get to the ceilidh, but did walk to uni and back. I probably just about managed half an hour.

Day 6 - Sun 26 Sep - Disaster on public transport! Dancing not as energetic as I'd hoped. Still, racked up just over half an hour.

Day 7 - Mon 27 Sep - I went to the gym today. 25 mins on the cross trainer, plus assorted walking. Much rushing to the flat and back probably added another 25 mins.

Day 8 - Tue 28 Sep - More walking to uni and back, and around Fresher's Fayre, including up 10 floors by stairs. And back down again.

Day 9 - Wed 29 Sep - over 4 miles today. Something about being in central London makes me thing nothing of a half-hour walk, whereas at home I'd take the car or bike every time. Possibly the amount of time it takes to get down to the Tube lines and back up again?

Planned

Day 10 - Thu 30 Sep - to uni and back. Navigate Victoria - a marathon in its own right! - and walk from coach station to friends'.

Day 11 - Fri 1 Oct - nothing specific planned. Walking into town for dinner and back, I guess.

Day 12 - Sat 2 Oct - nothing specific planned. Will find something

Day 13 - Sun 3 Oct - walking to coach station and navigating public transport to get to a friend's flat in West London. Does carrying bags count extra???

Day 14 - Mon 4 Oct - more humping of bags around on public transport. Possibly the gym too.

Dreams, redux - warning, long!

I did Lottie Love's D is for Dreams challenge about 10 days ago. It seemed to spark my subconscious into actually thinking about the bigger life questions, because I want to revisit that challenge.

First though, I know two bloggers doing the "101 things in 1001 days" challenge: Skippy & Minirhi and Rachel is doing 30 Things Before I'm 30. I have my own list of 30 before I'm 30 - the idea of doing a new thing every 10 days for three years just seemed overwhelming, given my impending move to London to become a student!

My 30 before I'm 30 list
Travel
1) Visit Egypt again - Nile, Pyramids, Cairo, Aswan etc. Possibly a dawn hike around St Catherine's Monastery.
2) Visit Jordan (Completed: October 2010)
3) Visit Israel, especially Jerusalem (Completed: April 2011)
4) Hike the Inca Trail
5) Visit Venice before it sinks (New Year 2010)
6) Hike the Two Moors Way (Complete: July 2010)
7) Hike/cycle another long distance path (Coast to Coast? LEJOG? Appalachian Trail?)
8) Visit my relatives in the Orkneys (Booked for September Summer 2011)

Learning things
9) Learn Arabic, at least to basic conversation level (In progress: Oct 2010 - May 2011)
10) Get my Master's degree (In progress: LSE 2010-11)
11) Learn archery (starting summer 2010 - basic qualification done)
12) Get my Mountain Leader (Summer) Award (2010-2012)
13) Take singing/banjo/guitar lessons
14) Record singing/banjo/guitar/piano
15) Learn one dance style (In progress: Lindy Hop & Charleston aka Swing Dancing)

Making things
16) Make a corset
17) Knit myself socks from 4-ply yarn (In progress: Dec 2010)
18) Find my "style" (House of Colour day, summer 2010)
19) Make more clothes than I buy
20) Do another year of "Homemade Christmas gifts"

Charity/ethical things
21) Volunteer overseas for 2-4 weeks
22) Become an Army/Sea cadet Instructor
23) Volunteer in a soup kitchen or homeless shelter over Christmas (complete 2010)
24) Extend fairtrade / organic / happy meat shopping ethics beyond groceries
25) Stop sending Xmas cards (apart from close family) in favour of charity donations

Other things
26) Go to a professional opera production (2010/11)
27) Go to a professional ballet production (2010/11)
28) Run a 10k race or do a Sprint Triatholon
29) Buy a house
30) Plant a vegetable garden

On a related theme, I have a list of things I'd like to accomplish while I'm at LSE. Some are duplicated of the above, but some are new. This list will probably grow before it starts to shrink!

Things to do at LSE
1) Graduate. Duh. Perhaps this should read "Graduate well". I'm not going to put myself under pressure to get a Distinction since I've finally learned that Academic Achievement Is Not The Be All And End All.
2) Learn Arabic
3) Intern in politics or a think tank
4) Audition for a choir...and ideally join!
5) Have an article published, eg in The World Today

Finally, my subconscious presented me with a life-long dream: I've had variants of this for several years, and some elements have persisted for over a decade. I have no idea how this would work out in practice, given my current circumstances. However, Lottie's challenge was to dream regardless, and maybe the universe will arrange things in such a way you can spot the opportunities to make it happen.

My life at some indeterminate point in the future...
...looks very little like my life at present or even in the foreseeable future. I want to have experienced (not just seen) much more of the world. I love learning about other cultures and history, and standing in the wilderness with a vista, and no signs of human activity. That's pretty much (one of) my idea(s) of bliss. However, I've also learned that however much I love to travel, I need somewhere to call home, somewhere I have roots in both physical and social senses.

Thus, I need to combine the wilderness with a place I can truly call home. Apart from one 4.5 year period, the longest I have lived anywhere in the last 14 years is 18 months, and while I'm very practised at boxing up my life and moving it, I'd really like to not have to do it too many more times. What I see as my dream future then, is this:

I have a smallholding, which is self-sufficient year-round for vegetables, any fruit the UK can grow, meat & eggs. There is a small amount extra which I preserve or sell. The smallholding takes in visitors of several types. There's a camping barn & field, and probably a bunk-house. In the term-time, school groups come to work the soil, tend the animals and learn basic cooking with ingredients they have picked themselves. In the holidays, families and groups of friends come and stay for holidays. There's a space which can be used to run yoga, photography, music and other "retreat" style workshops. I have two adopted* children and a stable relationship with a significant other. I have time to raise the children, and be active in local & charitable organisations. I grew up in a village with a real community feel, a summer fete, a maypole festival and all the other trappings of a quintessential English village: I'm determined to find a corner of England where those traditions live on, and make my home there.

*I really can't envisage the whole pregnant-and-baby stage. I've tried, and my mind insists that The Dream starts when they're at least toddling. I've given up arguing with it on this point.

Lottie Loves: Finishing School E is for Eyes (and Easy-peasy)

So the challenge this fortnight had two parts. Firstly, to have an eye test. I have these every 2-3 years anyway to keep my prescription up to date. So, check.

The second was to wear mascara every day for a week. I'm usually pretty good about this, but have been making effort to do the bare minimum of eyeliner (green or brown) mascara (brown) and lipstick ("Spiced Apple" from Clinique, apparently discontinued).

Roll on Lottie returning from holiday and the next Challenge!

Lottie Loves: Finishing School D is for dreams

I have lots of day dreams. My problem isn't not dreaming about the future, it's knowing which dream to turn into reality. A goal is, after all, just a dream with a deadline. I read an article in Red magazine this month about dream boards, aka mood boards. I'm really, really, not a visual person (and I've done a couple of learning preference things which proved that!). So, sitting down with a pile of magazines, some scissors and some pritt stick is fairly close to my idea of hell. However, I do like concepts and abstract relationships.

I've just read the first chapter of "Women who run with the Wolves" by Clarissa Estes. A post-doctoral Julian psychoanalyst, she is also the keeper of oral stories for two family traditions. The first story she tells is of La Lopa, the Bone Woman. La Lopa gathers the bones of the dead, and sings them back to life. She days, "Come, gather the shards of your soul, sing from beyond your heart, and heal yourself." All the bones and all the songs are within each of us, waiting to be uncovered. I know what I shall dream about tonight.

Lottie Loves: Finishing School challenges A to C

I've never been particularly good at "girly" things. But I'd quite like to be, and I've - via a very roundabout route - come across Lottie Loves and her Finishing School.

A is for Attitude
The first fortnight's challenge is to think about your Attitude, in the form of things you like about yourself.

In no particular order, I like:

• My intellect, and the way I can combine unrelated approaches and concepts to solve problems
• How I feel when I make an effort to keep my home and myself in shape FLYlady was a small miracle when I came across her method earlier this year.
• My self-belief: I can do (almost) anything if I put my mind to it - and so can you!

B is for Bra
To avoid TMI, let's accept I've done this one.

C is for Clothes
Around 18 months ago, I "had my colours done" with House of Colour. I found out that I'm an Autumn, and I suit browns, golds, deep greens and reds. This shouldn't really have been a surprise, but it was. I now understand that if I'm wearing black the answer isn't to apply for make-up in an attempt not to look dead, it's to wear brown instead. I followed HoC's advice and threw out some of my wardrobe that was in the "wrong" colour, and have been very good about only buying colours that are "right". I haven't really been ruthless enough about getting rid of all the wrong ones though. So...

Earlier this month I had the second step, an Image Day. This told me that I'm a Natural Ingenue, which means I like - and suit - fitted, demure (but not prissy) and pretty clothes and accessories. Fortunately, all my favourite vintage style clothes fit this. It's also taught me that if I'm going to wear trousers, not only should they not have a (masculine) fly or pockets, but I need to wear them with heels. Case in point - I wore frilly t-shirt, brown cords and a shrug with flats for part of the day, then switched to heels, and instantly felt and looked better. The Image Day ended with the injunction to throw out anything unsuitable from the wardrobe, which coincidentally is the C is for Clothes challenge from Lottie.

I've binned some shoes, got some others ready to take to a charity shop, and have a large suitcase over half full of clothes that don't fit, don't suit me or will otherwise never be worn again. It's proving hard to do but I'm slowly getting there by breaking it into chunks: I'll just sort this rail. I'll just sort that drawer. I'll just sort my shoes. I reckon another couple of hours and it'll all be done. Then - revelation - I'll have enough room to hang everything properly AND be able see what I have and what I now have a reason to buy to fill a gap.

Bring on the shopping!